Dear Madiba,

I never had the wonderful priviledge to meet you in person, shake hands with you or hug you..
Yet I mourn, like millions of people all over the world as if you were indeed my father.. you touched my life as you have with so many souls in your travels across the globe.

You died eight days ago.. We knew you were leaving us, you wre so very ill and still, when the news finally came the stunned shock and grief wre indescribeable!

I don’t sleep well at night, so I was still awake when Zuma announced your passing on SABC TV. It must have been around midnight for I was doing the last chores before going to bed when my son called me to the living room where watched, listned in painful silence..

when I was a child we as a family listened to the news on the radio twice, sometimes three times a day.It was inevitable that I would hear your name, about the Treaon trial in ’61, then the Rivonia trial in ’63’-’64’ Apartheid and the ANC as I became aware of the world around me..

I always thought one gets drawn into the politics of your country as part of life especially in South Africa. It affects us on so many levels, yet I discovered many people choose to ignore it, pretend it does not exist.

I had an uneasiness about Apartheid, not beingable or allowed to mix with people of colour as far back as I can remember..

My English teacher gave me Cry the Beloved Country to read when I was sixteen.It confirmed my thoughts on freedom and equility.
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After highschool I went to UOVS where I studiied Librarianship an Literature.Most of the students treated the black people working there like inferior, not quite human beings UOVS was an all white Afrikaans University. I could not fit in with most of the girls who were more into having a good time, social life than any serious thinking.

We married very young in those days. By 1976 I was already a young mother with many personal problems. We lived near Swakopmund at the tme. There were many people from all over Europe and US, working on contract, building the Rossing mine in the Namib desert.

When the news came informing the world of the Sowetan uprising, numerous workers fled back to their own countries in fear of civil war!

Revolutions also started in Mozambique and Angola during the seventies! Our young men wen were forced to fight on our borders. Many died or were physically, mentally disabled. Marriages also failed,divorce became common.

During the eighties white South Africans were living a life of decadennce, spending money like there was no future!I was a struggling single mother, abandoned by an unstable husband who could not be traced by the police. Ironically that meant that I could teach my own political beliefs to my children! I voted for the first time in the referendum of ’82 as I could see a ray of hope for South African politics!

We were led to believe that all blacks were comunists Then the Berlin wall came down, Glasnost, Perestroika became buzz words and the fight for freedom increased.. I found myself in the midst of a bomb scare one morning!

I went to see Serafina soon after the bann on the ANC was lifted and Apartheid ended! I was the only white person in a packed cinema where the audience could not stop crying!Tears were streaming down my face as I watched what happened in ’76. I then realized how much you were revered by your people!

I still feel the jubilation, the gratitude towards God when I saw you leaving that car in 1990! You were free!

Those last turbulant years of Codesa, fighting for democracy’ unspeakable atrocities, hope’fear and costant praying were worth it. Despite all the horrible events,I clung to the fierce believe that God Sent you to set us all free!

I will never forget 1994! We were living in such interesting,joyfull times! We were part of great history!

Like everything the New SA has it’s problems. The corruption,lack of intensive training, dedicated education and commitant to the future of our country (therefore our precious children) being at the crux of it all.

We have lost you dear Madiba. You are with God now and at peace,Iam sure of that!

I have tears in my eyes and heart as I am writing to you.
God Bless you and South Africa and I thank God for being so patient with us!

Like Max du Preez, I call myself a pale native.
All my love.